This IS About Coronavirus and Donald Trump

You may have heard of the coronavirus. It’s been in all the papers.

Believing it would inspire long narrative fiction, scientists right away called it the novel coronavirus. The Eggheads may have gotten that one wrong, however, because for many people the virus has caused, more than anything else, inaction. It is very difficult to weave a great story around homebound people watching TV. Take for example this vignette pulled from real life people who I will call Stan and Stenise:

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Stan is sitting on the balcony, sipping lemonade. His glass is almost empty. Stan stares at the small and diminishing ice cubes, thinking about a recent Facebook ad. The advertisement was for molds that will create ice in the shape of a human skull. He wonders whether ice thus formed should still be called “ice cubes,” and then he wonders if widespread use of the molds might have caused the famous rapper and star of Straight Outta Compton to call himself “Ice Skull.” That, he thinks, would be a much cooler name. He is amused by the unintended pun, “cooler name,” and then he thinks that ice chests should be marketed to hipsters with the slogan, “It’s the cooler cooler!” Damn, he thinks, I should have been in advertising, like my Uncle Bob.

Stan’s wife Stenise joins Stan on the balcony. Looking up as she sits, Stan says, “Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Bob?” She improvidently shakes her head. “Uncle Bob,” Stan continues, “was in advertising. One of his clients was Jiffy Pop Popcorn. Bob claimed that the folks at Jiffy Pop shot down his best slogan, one designed to assure the public of product purity: ‘Not a rat turd in a car load!’”

Stenise smiles politely, just as she did the last four times Stan told her Uncle Bob’s little joke. She asks, “Shall we eat out here?”

Stan shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I need to get up and walk to another chair or I’ll get out of shape.”

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Not exactly compelling melodrama, is it? Of course if it was fictionalized Stenise might pick up a carving knife and stab Stan in the throat shouting, “Yes, you fat bastard, you did tell me about Uncle Bob! Four times!” Then she would cut Stan into easily portable pieces and drop them in the sea, which is conveniently close to their apartment. To avoid a messy investigation she might take over his blog. From time to time she would write a silly essay, thus convincing their American friends and family that Stan is still alive.

Just a reminder, however, that would be FICTION.

Speaking of fiction, Donald Trump is in the news, even in Spain. Apparently he is President of the United States. A lot of people say they can’t believe Donald Trump is President, but the evidence is overwhelming. Of course one hundred percent of that evidence consists of news reports and Donald Trump insists that the news media can’t be believed, so maybe the evidence isn’t that convincing after all.

Well, that’s enough commentary for today. So with that I, Daniel Stageman, and definitely not his beautiful and charming wife Denise, bid you all a fond TTFN. That stands for “Ta Ta For Now,” a phrase I, Daniel Stageman, employ often, but which Denise (who at 60 remains a total MILF) would never use.