Shhhh. We need to be very quiet. Denise isn’t feeling well.
We did our research before agreeing to cruise from England to New York. The North Atlantic can be rough in November, and we both have experienced sea sickness. Once of that is plenty.
“Fear not,” a very nice couple told us. “The Queen Mary 2 is the only true ocean liner still operating.” They had, they said, made the passage during stormy weather and barely felt any movement.
Just one day into our week-long voyage, we now realize the “nice couple” deceived us. Our tenth floor room is being tossed from side to side, the degree of the pitch varying with each roll. Denise, when she is not too nauseated to think, thinks the couple should suffer paper cuts in hell for all eternity. I am more forgiving, possibly because that is my nature, but probably because I am not sick. Which is not to say that I feel normal.
In my youth I consumed drugs that were, technically speaking, not “legal.” My goal was an altered state of consciousness. These rough seas have induced a vaguely psychedelic effect quite similar to that achieved from a very low dose of something I should — but do not — regret taking.
Some of you are judging me for my youthful indiscretions. But before you get on your high horse, let me assure you that it has been decades since I have had any fun that was not sanctioned by government authorities. Or, to be more exact, that was not eventually sanctioned by government authorities. In some states.
My very trippy disorientation is not the only callback to the 1970’s. For example, we have no Wifi. No cellular service. No connection to the Internet, at all.
To be sure, we could connect to the Internet, if we paid $26 per day, per device, to our corporate overlords. We can afford to pay the fee without skipping meals or going back to work. But we will not pay because there is a principle involved.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Dan, there is no principle. You are just a cheap bastard.”
Of course you are right about me, but there is a larger principle at stake. The larger principle is that hell has not yet frozen over, which is what must happen before I will pay $26 for one day of Internet.
Now you’ve gone and done it. You must have been reading too loud because Denise is waking up. She is white as a sheet and reaching for the small trash can next to the bed.
I will help her as soon as these colors stop making so much noise.
Dan old friend… no judgement from me. For anything. Ever.
I’m praying for a fast recovery for Denise!
This made me seasick just to read. I took students on a Greek Island tour and bought the wristbands, it really helped but hindsight is a great thing. Glad you are back on land!
I remember our first cruise we had a hurricane and was in rough seas for four days so much sold out most of the people on the cruise lost weight! Times you Dan hope Denise feels better soon!