EXT. MARRAKECH – DAY
WE OPEN with a high altitude view of a Marrakech street. At this height it looks much like any busy European street. It has four paved lanes, two in each direction, clearly marked with white and yellow lines.
Our airborne camera loses elevation until we clearly SEE men and women. Every twenty or thirty yards small clusters of people stand at the curbs. Men wearing djellabas and women with hijabs. We sometimes SEE one or more of these people venture from the curb to cross the hectic street. From this height they look like matadors, bravely skirting onrushing iron bulls, narrowly avoiding one bone-crushing impact after another.
Our camera pans to the only crosswalk. Just a few people wait there.
The camera continues its descent, at last focusing on an elderly couple fifty yards from the crosswalk. The angle changes from overhead to face-to-face. We now use a land-based camera. That camera focuses on DAN and DENISE.
We SEE two gray-haired people standing in sharp contrast with all those around them. They are not brown and are not wearing a djellaba or a hijab. They are pasty white and wearing blue denim jeans. The man, who might be played by George Clooney, or perhaps Paul Giamatti, looks at his phone. He is upset.
DAN
Are you sure we are supposed to meet them at Hotel Islane? I-S-L-A-N-E?
The tone is accusatory. His wife, who could be played only by Nicole Kidman, looks offended.
DENISE
The email couldn’t be more clear. We meet our group in front of the Hotel Islane. Then we go to the desert and ride camels. (Holding her phone for him to see) Do you want to look at the confirmation?
DAN
No, I’m just getting frustrated with Goggle Maps. I don’t see the hotel but supposedly it is across this street and then only a three minute walk. Weird that it is so close but we can’t see it.
The camera follows their gaze as they watch a few locals venture across the busy street. DENISE gasps as a man deftly turns his body, like a bull fighter, narrowly avoiding a sedan.
DENISE
(Pointing) Look! Over there! A crosswalk!
DAN takes her hand while they excitedly hurry-walk to the crosswalk. They get there in time to see a man wearing a striped djellaba finish his fearless crossing.
DAN
This is crazy! The cars aren’t even slowing down! The crosswalk is meaningless!
DAN looks at his watch.
DAN
If we aren’t at the hotel in three minutes we might miss our ride!
DAN, who is standing to DENISE’s left, glances to his left. He sees a stooped old woman. She wears a hijab and is pulling a small two-wheeled cart full of groceries. She steps off the curb. DAN pokes DENISE with his elbow and leans down to her ear. He whispers.
DAN
The old woman is taking off. We have a human shield!
DENISE is horrified but DAN pulls her forward. They match the Moroccan’s movements, step-by-step, until they are straddling the center line. Oncoming traffic now is flowing the other direction. DAN again leans over to DENISE.
DAN
We need to sidle to this woman’s left or we will become HER human shield!
DENISE hisses her disapproval at DAN’s Machiavellian ploy. The woman steps forward, into traffic. Our couple moves with her. Speeding cars narrowly miss them, but they land safely on the curb.
Our heroes embrace each other. It is a good long embrace and then, overwhelmed by their mutual near-death experience, they kiss. It is a heartfelt kiss, but DENISE suddenly pushes DAN away.
DENISE
I don’t think we can do that here.
DAN
You’re right. I think they cane people for PDA’s.
DAN‘s expression changes. He mouths a string of silent curses.
DENISE turns and follows his gaze. She sees a huge red sign. Hotel Islane, fifty yards from the crosswalk, is ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET.
DAN
Unbelievable! Un-effing-believable! (DAN does not say “effing,” but this movie is rated G so the bad word is bleeped.)
The couple walk until they are directly across from the Hotel Islane. They look left and right for human shields. They find a young couple about to cross. They situate themselves to that couple’s right. Cars zip by as the four move to the center line. This time, like a well-oiled machine, our heroes instantly use the pause to move to the other couple’s left, remaining on the shielded side. But then they SEE a huge bus taking up almost the entire lane directly in front of them. They SEE, coming from the opposite direction, a dump truck that is just as wide. They make themselves as skinny as possible by standing erect, sucking in their guts, and turning their heads.
Our POV abruptly shifts to an aerial camera. We SEE all four people standing on the yellow center line as two giant vehicles, now in slow motion, graze DAN (the fattest of the four), leaving dust on the front and back of his jacket. Hair and clothes whip in the vehicles’ turbulence.
Our POV remains overhead, but our soundtrack now comes from the Sega video game, FROGGER. As the foursome navigate the last two lanes we hear “Doo-doo, doo-da-doo” and “Ba-da-ba-dum-ba-dum,” interspersed with sound effects like: “Boing! Beep! Plink-plink-plink!”
DENISE and DAN mount the curb and our POV changes to ground level. Our heroes grasp each other’s shoulders as they bob up and down, hopping in a little circle. They again embrace and start to kiss before abruptly, simultaneously, remembering where they are.
DENISE
I have never felt so close to you!
DAN
I have never so needed to be alone with you!
The couple laugh. DAN suddenly raises a hand and then looks at his watch.
DAN
We are two minutes late. They should be here!
The couple look around. They each approach a man who looks like he may be a tour operator. We do not hear what is said but we SEE our heroes turn away, obviously disappointed by the answers.
DENISE opens her phone.
DENISE
I’m going to call the tour people. Maybe I can get somebody who speaks English.
We watch from DAN’s POV. We SEE Denise, hand to an ear, speaking on the phone. We cannot hear over the traffic noise, but we SEE disappointment appear like a slap across her face. Finally she lowers the phone.
DAN
Well, what is it!?
DENISE
They are in a black van, ACROSS THE STREET!
DAN
Oh, HELL NO!
DENISE
That’s more or less what I told them.
DAN
I am NOT crossing that street again!
DENISE
It’s Russian Roulette.
They are about to leave when they HEAR a man mispronounce DENISE’s name.
MAN
De-nice! De-nice!
Our heroes pause while the man hurries over to them.
MAN
Come with me! I take you across. No problem! Very safe!
Our couple shake their heads. But they are like dazed rafters being buffeted in rapids, powerless to fight the rushing current of events. The MAN takes DENISE’s hand and pulls her toward the curb. She follows like an automaton. DAN, who is close behind, starts to chuckle.
They make it across the street without any near-misses. Until, that is, the very end, when DAN plasters himself against a parked car as a passing garbage truck brushes his soiled jacket. DAN’s chuckling becomes a demented giggling.
DENISE pulls DAN off the car and onto the curb just in time to avoid another overlarge bus. DAN falls to his knees and then on his back, giggling uncontrollably, his legs kicking like an infant being tickled by a favorite aunt. Once again our camera is airborne, focusing on DENISE, who is just one of many staring down at the insane laughing man, but as the camera gets further away people become mere dots, and then disappear altogether, and the sound of DAN‘s giggling fades like a cowboy riding into the sunset . . .
THE END