A retired lawyer and his school teacher wife sell everything and move to Spain. You wonder why. Were they running from creditors? A Mafia hit squad? Did a scraggly homeless man sell them a map to treasure buried in the Pyrenees?
By way of explanation I offer an illustrative story. You may argue it is less story than vignette. I will not quibble over semantics. Whatever the classification, events reveal themselves in a cinematic fashion. Imagine you are watching a Hollywood movie.
The husband should be played by an older actor who has somehow defied time. His chiseled features still turn heads. He is, however, surprisingly approachable, even charming. One might say debonair. George Clooney comes to mind.
The wife will not be played by Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts played a beautiful prostitute in Pretty Woman but they used body doubles for all the important closeups. We cannot afford to pay both Julia Roberts and her body doubles. Therefore the wife will be played by Halle Berry, unless an even prettier actress becomes available.
Those of you who know the actual retirees may wonder why they are being portrayed by George Clooney and Halle Berry. I will tell you why. The story, as it unfolds, may include love scenes. Do you want to imagine a love scene with Larry the Cable Guy in the male lead? I didn’t think so. And while there are no Hollywood actresses as pretty as the real wife, maybe Halle Berry comes close. (If you happen to speak to the actual wife please be sure to let her know the author said that.)
The movie opens with an exterior shot of George and Halle being led up stone steps in El Campello, Spain. They are led by a real estate agent. The agent is played by a Puerto Rican female actor you recognize but can’t name. She is making small talk. Her English is heavily accented.
The camera has been focused on George and Halle’s flawless profiles, but the angle shifts. Now we are looking them in the eye, but through the bars of an ornate decorative gate. The agent (doggonit, who is she, anyway?) fits a key in the gate’s lock. Behind George and Halle we see blue Mediterranean waters with small whitecaps. We realize that this is elegant beachfront property.
The gate opens. George and Halle are met by a property owner. She is a cute Spanish lady wearing white denim pants. She is perhaps a little younger than our two leads. George offers her his hand and is surprised when the lady gently pulls him in and lightly kisses both cheeks. George has seen this on TV but not in real life. He is flustered.
The lady also kisses Halle on both cheeks.
The real estate agent and the owner immediately begin talking about all the amenities in this resort-like apartment complex. The lack of a noticeable pause makes George think he handled the spontaneous make out session appropriately. Halle does not seem angry. How could she be? The cute Spanish lady made out with both of them.
The agent and owner walk the couple past a large round swimming pool, one with an island in the middle. George thinks how he could swim for an hour without doing laps. Pretty neat. They continue past tennis courts, a putting green, even a small soccer field. They pass the office of the concierge, a man whose job is to help the residents in any way he can. They see across the putting green, not far from the tennis court, the quaint restaurant that serves only the people living in these apartments.
All this is on a hill overlooking the Mediterranean. George considers how impressed his friends would be if he lived here. He realizes such thoughts are petty. But as you watch this scene unfold, as you imagine yourself in George’s place, you think the very same thing.
The scene shifts to an interior shot. Now you are in the Spanish lady’s fourth floor condo. It is clean and light and modern. Everything you might need or want. But the most impressive feature is the stunning deck overlooking the Mediterranean. “Holy crap,” George thinks. However, he is debonair so he says only, “This is a very nice view.”
People as attractive and classy as George and Halle are almost always rich. You find it hard to imagine them constrained by a budget. Nonetheless, in this movie they are not rich. They most definitely must think about money. They therefore are pleasantly surprised to learn that this three bedroom luxury apartment can be theirs for only €1,200 (about $1,320) per month.
George and Halle want to tell the agent to consider the apartment rented. They restrain the impulse. They tell the agent and the cute Spanish lady wearing white denim pants that they want to look at one other apartment before they commit.
Fade to black.
The next scene opens with the sun rising over the Mediterranean Sea. The camera pans 180 degrees. We are now looking through sliding glass doors at George and Halle. They are up early, eager to see the next apartment so they can go rent the Spanish lady’s luxury condo.
They do not have far to walk. The next apartment is just a quarter mile away. The location is why George and Halle wanted to look at the place. Whereas the luxury resort apartment complex was amazing, it was removed from most the shops and bars and other businesses of El Campello. This building sits just on the edge of El Campello’s tourist area. On the end, so that it is quiet, but still only a short walk from just about anything George or Halle might need. And, best of all, it is right on the beach. Not on a hill overlooking the beach. Literally, walk out the door, then across thirty yards of sand, and your feet are wet.
They are met at the building by a young woman wearing a man’s white tee shirt and white painter pants. She has tattooed arms and close cropped hair. The owner, an elderly woman named Maria, speaks no English. That is why she asked the building custodian to let George and Halle into the apartment.
The apartment is nice. Modern enough. Three bedrooms and two baths. The building is nice. Very nice. The only problem is that it does not have a putting green or a tennis court or a concierge. George doesn’t like golf and doesn’t play tennis and can’t imagine what he might want from a concierge. But the prospect of not having them now seems tragic.
Maria offers George and Halle two choices. One is a seasonal lease. They can have the apartment September through June for €1,000 (about $1,200) per month, or for a full year at €1,400 per month. The discrepancy arises from the fact that all of Europe takes vacation in July and August. Maria can make a killing renting her apartment those two months.
George and Halle return to their temporary home. They pour two cups of coffee and sit on the couch. Halle takes a sip and says, “I think we should take Maria’s apartment and the thousand euro lease.”
George is stunned. He thinks carefully before responding. “The lease terminates during the high season. We would be forced to negotiate a lease when demand is high and supply is low.” George is using only small words so his partner understands.
Halle smiles at her husband. “Or, we could use those two months to visit Greece. Or Italy. I can get us a spacious AirBnB in either country for just a little more than €1,000. We won’t be paying rent here while visiting whatever other part of the world we want to see.” She bats her eyes.
A smug feeling of superiority abandons George. He instantly misses it. We see him frown as his head droops. But then he slowly looks up with a wry smile. He realizes that Halle explained her reasoning using one and two syllable words.
For perhaps the millionth time since marrying Halle, George thinks there is something incredibly sexy about an intelligent woman. He brushes a lock of hair from his wife’s face.
And this, my friends, is where you should be glad that the former lawyer is not played by Larry the Cable Guy.
Nice story–but beautiful Annette Bening is a dead ringer for the part of the wife, however, I will accept George Clooney as the attorney. And actors don’t use their real names when filming, what comes to mind, say use Dan and Denise have a nice ring!! I look forward to the pictures of the condo on the Mediterranean, and need to know if the water is warm like the Gulf of Mexico, or cold like the Pacific Ocean!