DAN’S LETTER TO THE EPHESIANS

Dear Ephesians:

Back in the 1960’s, when I was a boy, the parish priest sometimes read to the congregation letters the apostle Paul wrote to you. The letters were polite, thoughtful, and well-written. Common courtesy would have dictated a response.

Last year we were in Istanbul. I learned then that Ephesus is in Turkey, just a few hundred miles away. I argued for a trip to your fair city, but my companions refused. They seemed uninterested in learning why you have been ghosting Paul for over two thousand years.

Presently, I am in Antalya. Once again, only a few hundred miles separate you and me. A trip there would involve an eight hour bus ride, and I was keen to do that. I wanted to find whether, perhaps, your response was lost in the mail. Or maybe it was one of those situations where you meant to respond, but got busy, and after a few hundred years a response would have been awkward. We’ve all been there.

Once again, my traveling companion resisted the long bus ride. I argued that the Temple of Artemis, one of the original seven wonders of the world, was built in Ephesus over 500 years before Christ. My wife was impressed. “I’d really like to see that,” she said.

My right eye twitched involuntarily. “It was destroyed about sixteen hundred years ago,” I muttered. “But,” I brightened, “We could still see the ruins of the Library of Celsus.” I explained that when the library was constructed, in 110 A.D., it was the third largest library in the world. I showed her a picture.

“Who built it?” my bride queried.

Of course you Ephesians know that the library was built by some Roman “nerds.” I call them “nerds” because people back then read from scrolls. It would make no sense to call them “bookworms.”

I explained all this to my wife. She was unmoved. Apparently she also had been studying Wikipedia. She argued that there were plenty of Greek and Roman ruins much closer to Antalya than Ephesus.

One of Paul’s letters admonished Ephesian women to be “subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord,” and that, “wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.” I had hoped that during our visit to Ephesus my wife could see first hand how well this system has worked for you. Unfortunately, Denise never got Paul’s memo. So rather than Ephesus, we went to Side (pronounced “SeeDay”).

First we explored Antalya a bit more. We saw the famous waterfall.

We saw the same waterfall at night.

We walked along the marina where all the boats were made of wood.

We bought hats and dirt cheap undergarments, and stifled our laughter as mall cops tried to bribe a well-fed dog into leaving.

One morning a large van arrived at our hotel and took us on a tour of historic sites. I think there were about ten of us in the van, not counting the driver and tour guide.

At Side we walked along the shore where Cleopatra once dined with Marc Antony. We saw columns from a temple dedicated to Apollo.

We watched as workers carefully dug up almost the entire town, uncovering yet more artifacts that have been buried for thousands of years.

We traveled to a nearby town and toured a theater that was constructed in about 100 A.D. It was famous at the time for its amazing acoustics. Two thousand years old, it still is used to stage concerts, operas, plays, and the like. Pretty amazing, when you get right down to it.

We saw commercial signs that had been etched into marble over 2000 years ago, and even a stone backgammon board that the merchants would use during business lulls.

The bottom line, my dear Ephesians, is that we will not make it to your city this year. And I know that you cannot respond to Paul. He is dead, as is my old parish priest. However, there are many American Christians who would like to hear whether Paul’s advice was well received. Especially the part about wives obeying their husbands.

FYI, Paul, who boasted about his “gift” of celibacy, apparently was unmarried ( 1 Corinthians 7:1-7).

But that was obvious, right?